Why Mums Find It So Hard To Put themselves First | Lynne McLean Brown Life Coaching

Giving Myself Permission

I remember signing up for a yoga class after my daughter was born. I used to feel guilty about going to class when my husband wasn’t onshore to be with the kids. Even though they were tucked up in bed while I was in class, I felt like it was my job to be available 24/7. It sounds crazy to me now but at the time going to those classes felt like something to feel guilty about. Spending an hour and a half stretching and relaxing with other adults without being interrupted was a luxury I believed I couldn’t afford. I believed that being there for my children meant dropping anything and everything for them. It also meant going without and putting their needs first at all times.

Motherhood = Martyrdom

As Glennon Doyles says in her book Untamed society measures motherhood against martyrdom. We measure a good woman by how much of herself she gives to others. Being caring, supportive, considerate and selfless are the pinnacle of womanhood. How much you give equates to how good you are. This doesn’t leave room for putting yourself first, does it? Mums find it hard to make themselves a priority because that is not what they learn about motherhood. Being a good mother means selflessness and sacrifice.

A single yellow leaf on hangs on a branch
Photo by Simon Matzinger on Unsplash

Putting Yourself First

I still feel like my kids are important but my idea of what I am willing to sacrifice for them is different. I’d give my life up for them but not myself. I now feel like I have a right to my dreams and desires and it is even my duty as a parent to demonstrate this. I want my children to see my thrive so that they see that living and breathing example as they grow up. Sacrificing to the point of living a half-life is not necessary to be a good mum. Sacrificing and selflessness are not the pinnacle of womanhood. I do not need to be a martyr for my children. Instead, I want to be a good model for them. Show them that life is to be lived enjoyed and cherished and hopefully pass that along to them should they become parents themselves.

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Lynne McLean Brown

Lynne McLean Brown

Caffeine addict, mum of two, aerialist, yogi, traveller, wife, stationery horder, baker, life coach and writer at www.lynnemcleanbrown.com